While the best compliment you got were just my secondhand words, I got one far better, and much more profound…

And the waves crash around me, and the wind tears at my skin, and I keep moving forward. I am not giving in.

And now I’m crawling on my belly, inching up the beach through the sand, while machine-gun fire words shoot my heart out into my hands.  I’ve been hit several times now, but I’m still moving in. I’m armed, and I’m strong, and there’s a trench up ahead.  My dad is within it and I’ll make it to him!

The battle he fights now is not one he can win, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fight it with him. I’ll fight by his side, and I’ll hold him real close, until he can’t feel my arms; until he finally goes.

Everyone around him just fell apart. It’s up to me now, with my shattered heart.  So this Military granddaughter, and daughter, and niece has  donned battle attire until her dad is at peace.

Go back to your lusts, and your laughs, and new toys. These words have no meaning in the face of your joy.

Why would they?  I know that.  I understand why.

But my father is dying and I don’t have time to cry.



Filed under In Honour of My Father. Support Cancer Research Please?!

2 responses to “Cancer.

  1. rica

    Oh my friend…I’ve been in this battle myself. You are not alone, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please, try to remember to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of everyone else.

    Much love and PMP to you, dear heart.

    • S.

      Thank you, dear friend. I know, and remember (hugs). If he lives another six weeks it will be beyond impressive. If he lives six MONTHS? Then I’m going to have to reassess my perspective on life and the universe as we know it.

      It was not only cancer that has brought him to that place. It took a veritable clusterfuck to take “Maxie the Magnificent” down! Three different cancers, hepatitis, diabetes, sleep apnoea so bad he needs breathing assistance, and a couple more things that we are still waiting for results on. He is the original Mr Indestructible. He has survived so many things that others have fallen to. He is almost unkillable…except…he is not.

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