Regular readers of my Blog have been waiting for me to spill the ‘dirt’ on what happened with ‘The Blue Dude’ for a while now. Members of two social networking sites keep writing to me to ask the same question.
I have never been one for drama, and I am certainly not one who ‘airs dirty laundry in public’, as the saying goes. I am Australian and we Aussies are rather circumspect. We are not the country of ‘Jerry Springer’, et al. So, if you are waiting for me to trash him from one end of the interwebs to the other (and, sure, few would blame me if I did) hold your breath. You’ll eventually pass out and start breathing again, anyway.
‘It just didn’t work out’ sounds like a bit of an anti-climax when we had donation drives in place to help me reach his side!
So, how did I go from feeling like the most wanted woman on the planet to making a cameo appearance in this man’s life? I have heard the unspoken questions: “Well, he met her, so what’s wrong with her?” “Man, she must really suck! Is she a whack-job or something?” “She looks ok in her photos. So what does she really look like, then?”, “She seemed so cool, and funny, and kick-ass and…”
Yeah. Believe me, you are not the only ones who asked those questions. I fucking asked them of myself…AT LENGTH at the time, and with a brutality that only a real Sadist could manifest when doing the questioning. The shock of that fall winded me completely! The “must have, have, have, want, want, want, want NOW” became just another “It is what it fucking is”, in a long list of ‘what it fucking is’s’.
So, what happened?
I found myself, at long last, is what happened. I found out who I really am. I finally discovered me when I got back to Australia and got my breath back. I do not suck. I am not ugly. I am not a whack-job. I am kick-ass, and funny, and attractive, and much, much more! I am not ‘second rate’, or ‘not good enough’ after all. I am me: full of personal integrity, dedication, determination, and the ability to love unconditionally. I have strength, intelligence, humour, and a wisdom that few could comprehend, including ‘The Blue Dude’, himself. And I have a warrior’s heart!
Yes, I was knocked off a pretty high pedestal, but I didn’t break when I landed. I bounced … and then I flew.
I am now much higher up than I was on that shaky, shaky pedestal that I once stood on.
Turns out that I am much better than I ever knew I was!
No. I have not turned into an egomaniac. I am simply utterly aware of my own worth now! And no, you cannot touch me. I am ‘off limits’ to everyone on the planet! And that is simply my choice, not someone else’s now!