Comet Elenin: Oh Noes, We’re All Going to DIE!

YouTube is buzzing with amateur videos, blog posts are spilling out of the mind and tumbling into our fingers at a steady rate, and most people I have spoken to this week have mentioned the words ‘comet Elenin’ at least once in conversation.  People are talking; in fact, they wont shut up! But the media is not. Nor are Governments, NASA, or any other ‘Official’ sources that disseminate information to the ‘general public’.  The silence is louder than the white noise all over the electronic airwaves as people struggle to form their own opinions on the topic and espouse them as frequently as they can.

“I don’t know what search engine you are using, Mistress Savannah. NASA has issued a statement. The media has written about Elenin.  The blah blah fucking blah“.

I am using Google, actually.  Yep. Google.

The lack of media coverage on this topic is astounding. Given that most journalists I know would write about a mysterious turd appearing on the doorstep of an 89 year old’s house if they thought they could get their name in print and fill their quota, I am stunned by their lack of verbiage on the topic of Elenin.

The lack of commentary from various Government officials around the world is also astounding.  People are panicking and no Government Head has come out and said “Look. Seriously guys? Calm the fuck down! You are all embarrassing yourselves!”.

NASA is, apparently, trying too hard to see through the tears of laughter to say anything else at all right now so we’ll just leave NASA over there in the corner while it tries to catch its breath in between roaring laughing fits that can cause cramps if one is not careful.

So, why the silence? I am aware that pointing this out is going to cause some of you reading this blog post to say “Ah-HA. I knew it.  See?! More evidence that something is seriously wrong here…cover-up, conspiracy, blah blah, blah, scream!!!!!”

Maybe.

Oooooooooo.

Scary!

However, that potential scenario is quite possibly nowhere near as scary as what I am about to share with you today.

People of Earth (taps microphone to make sure it is on) People of Earth I am here today to tell you that the time has, indeed, come to ‘panic’ and ‘freak out’.   Yes. That’s right.

Why??!

I’m so glad you asked.

You are all going to die.

You, reading these words right now, yes you.  I am talking to you. You are going to die. One day, somehow, some way, you are going to die.

Oh NOES!

Whether you die when a comet hits the Earth sometime between now and the end of next month, apparently, or pass away peacefully in your sleep at the age of 102, you are going to fucking die!!! 

Suck it up sunshine, and deal with it. If you didn’t realise that you are going to die at some point and you are only just reading about this shocking fact right now, my deepest sympathies because you are obviously a complete moron.

Wow.  Pretty frightening isn’t it?

What are you going to do about it? I mean, damn! You are going to die. What are you going to do to stop that from happening?

NEWSFLASH: Nothing.  You may be able to prolong your stay on this rock for a while but, in the end, there is nothing you can do to stop death from knocking on your door, stopping in for a cup of coffee, and taking you “out for a nice walk, ok?”.

Now, given that there is nothing you can do to stop yourself from dying, what can you do to stop a giant mass of crap from the sky from slamming into the Earth if it is going to? Same answer: Nothing.

Face it. You’re screwed.

Over and out.