“Promises” and Other Such Lies.

Regular readers of my Blog are very aware of my stance on personal integrity. Regular readers of my Blog also know that, if I hear the phrase, “I give you my word” one more time I am likely to break out in an allergic reaction that could see me dead unless I carry an epi-pen on my person. Regular readers of my Blog even know why I am likely to suffer from anaphylaxis when I hear that phrase these days.

Not all of you are regular readers so I have decided to help you all out a little today (you could say that I am feeling oddly generous or, more accurately, ill) by giving you the real meaning behind some of the phrases that humanity still vomits when they find a trite response necessary.

Let’s start with “I give you my word” (I have my epi-pen ready)  There was a time when that phrase meant something.  It meant that a solemn vow, that was indelibly tied to a person’s reputation, had just been given.  One’s ‘word’ was one’s reputation, and breaking it was simply not done if one wished to be taken seriously ever again or, in some cases, if one wished to continue breathing.  It was a sentence that could be relied on. Utterly. Some people’s word can still be relied upon like this. You will recognise those people by the lack of their use of that phrase. Why?  Because the phrase “I give you my word” now means “I am giving you my word because that is all I intend to give you and I am hoping that you are too stupid to realise that!”.

Moving on to another utterly butchered phrase that used to mean something: “I promise”. “I promise” is similar to ‘I give you my word’. It used to mean almost the same thing as “I give you my word” did.  It now means almost exactly the same thing as the modern definition of ‘I give you my word’. Yes. “I promise” means “I am saying this to shut you up and buy me enough time to get out of the situation (and your presence) so I can promptly break something that was never solid to begin with”.

“I swear…”  Are you starting to see a theme here? “I swear” was serious business a few generations ago.  These days it means “I say ‘bad words’ … a lot”.

“I really mean it”  means “I am really hoping you fall for this shit!”.

“Honestly!”. “Honestly” means “I am lying to you outright because I don’t know how to spell ‘truth’ let alone speak it”.

“I will…” is most often used in sentences as a preface for what a person will not do.

“I can’t”.  A phrase often used, with a whiny emphasis on the word ‘can’t’, which means “I am about to give you as many excuses as it takes before you buy what I am saying and overlook my laziness, ineptitude and, or, stupidity”.

Last year’s ‘phrase of the day’ was “Say what you mean. Do what you say”.  It seems pretty straightforward as far as phrases go, doesn’t it? You would be wrong.  It means “Lie and lie well because everything coming out of my mouth is actually utter shite that I am making up as I go along.  Oh, I see you were stupid enough to fall for that shit… BOO-yah! [insert ‘birthday dance’ here] Damn, I love me!”.

Then there is one of my most loathed sayings of all time: “It is what it is”.  This phrase means “I am too lazy, disinterested, weak, stupid, pathetic and/or lacking initiative to change the situation”.

“Oh dear, Mistress Savannah.  Cynical much?”  No.  Just observant.  Besides, I am Blessed to know a few individuals who still use those phrases in their original contexts.  They don’t make ’em like that anymore.  I think that particular mould was broken eons ago!

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2 Comments

Filed under Observations on Life and the Universe as I See it., Rants; or 'That Which Pisses Me Off Mightily'!

2 responses to ““Promises” and Other Such Lies.

  1. I have always always Said “What Goes Around Comes Around” which is “”American for YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW”…….. Having been a witness to most of the Lies, Promises ,and BS, and Now Legally ( In front of the proper Authorities mind you ) Sworn to Said Same….. I have Not one doubt NOT ONE mind you. It is time Actually More than Time for the Individual concerned to ” Reap What has been Sown” It is never A good Thing To Return Kindness with Treachery… Nor is it Recommended to “Bite The Hand That Feeds You” Especially in this Case…. I would Much Fucking Rather Piss off A “Rabid Grizzly Bear”
    Having said all of the above All that remains to be said is…..
    ” I am really sorry to hear That This has Happened To you……
    Maybe you should have thought About what you were saying and doing Before you fucking Went and did it…..
    Let me fucking know how it All Worked Out For You……

  2. This is so Much More Appropriate
    No copy right infringement Intende

    by ozzsclan THIS IS WHAT REAL FRIENDS DO!!!!!!!

    Military vs. Civilian Friends

    Stole this from a post a friend made on facebook, but I thought some of us would appreciate it.

    Military vs. Civilian Friends
    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild stuff will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn…we f**ked up…but hey, that was fun!”

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each other’s stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relationship problems and hope it works out for you.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, “I’m home!”

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn’t come.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to work free drinks all night.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Can’t begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you “They’d take a bullet for you.”
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you

    CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to how you got scr*wed over by some jerk and feel bad for you, maybe offer to help if they can.
    MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to how some jerk scr*wed you over and plan a mission to ‘fix’ the jerk along with an Alibi

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