And then grief comes along and beats the living FUCK out of you when you’re not looking. Rather than open an artery with the scalpel in my hand (more tempting than I am going to share with ANY of you) I very deliberately, and with a huge amount of control, just painted. I did not know what I was going to paint in order to express this. I just painted. The result may seem tacky, clichéd, and amateur. I don’t give a FUCK right now. The heart contains blood from the wound I made with the scalpel, instead, smeared onto the drying paint with my fingers and visible in the shading and darker sections of the heart. Some of the paint was thinned using my tears. In other places, I just let the tears fall onto the canvas wherever they landed. Along the right hand side of the heart are lines counting out the number of days my best friend has been gone; 63 days. On the left hand side are her final words to me when, even after suffering brain damage, she went to all the trouble of remembering how to access a particular social networking site, find me, and send me a private message. The message starts off clearly. The last message, sent later, makes no sense at all. I wanted to put that message onto something solid because, right now, it only exists in cyberspace. This is another one of those days when I truly wish I had a larger canvas because I could paint for hours and I really think she deserved an arterial spray, as opposed to bloodied finger-painting! I love you Chris. It hurts SO hard! This piece is called “As Love Lay Dying” (C) Savannah 2013. Mixed media on stretched canvas.